woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
