i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
