I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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