WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
