maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
