u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
