Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have grass duct taped all over my body
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
