The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
