Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
