i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
