my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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