My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
