Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
