Only a mothe r could love this liver
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
