Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
