i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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