good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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