My hand turned me down
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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