Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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