never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
