At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
