whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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