You don't have asthma, your pregnant
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
