I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
