His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
