Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
