This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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