so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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