This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
