Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
