drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
