Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
