It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
