Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I deserve this hangover.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
