Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she was so not down for the gang bang
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
