I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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