Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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