No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
