i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
