We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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