i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
