I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
