omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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