Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
