Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
