i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
