i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
