Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
