He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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