just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
